


Forever Not Forever

by justjunhoes



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Closure, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:35:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22157131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justjunhoes/pseuds/justjunhoes
Summary: "Our forever was cut short..."
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Forever Not Forever

“You are staying late today?”

Junhoe look up from his computer. He sees Donghyuk already packs his stuff, probably getting ready to meet his boyfriend. He has not met Donghyuk’s new boyfriend named Yunhyeong but he is sure Yunhyeong is a nice guy considering how happy Donghyuk is now.

“Err ya…but maybe not till late night. Just a little bit more then I’m done.” Junhoe smiles a bit.

“Okay. Don’t stay up too late. Geez these days you are like this.” Donghyuk looks at him. “How long are you going to avoid him?”

Junhoe brings his focus back to the computer screen. “For as long as I can.”

“You gonna eventually stumble upon him that you can’t run away.” Donghyuk squeezes his shoulder lightly. “Good day, Junhoe.”

“Good day.” Junhoe says whatever prayers he could think of after what Donghyuk just said. It sucks working at the same building as your ex-boyfriend.

Junhoe dated Bobby for 3 years after he finally opened his heart for Bobby and loved Bobby for as much as Bobby loved him or maybe not since Bobby loved him more. But life is not always rainbows and unicorns. Junhoe called it a quit about a month ago. Reason?

_“I don’t feel that connection between us anymore. I don’t feel the love. It is not the same anymore…”_

Junhoe knows it was stupid but that was how he felt for months before he finally called it a quit. He watched Bobby trying so hard to remain calm even when his eyes were already pooling with tears. He didn’t see Bobby at the office building for a week or at least his car. When asked around, Bobby’s colleagues said he was unwell.

Of course. Unwell. Because of him…

Somehow Junhoe managed to avoid Bobby despite working at the same building. Most of them were planned to avoid Bobby at all cost, hence why Junhoe started to stay late at the office. He would purposely delay simple tasks so he could look like he really is doing some work.

“Let’s go, Bobby!”

“Wait. You guys go first. I forgot my phone at my table.” Bobby shakes his head. “See you all at the restaurant.”

“Don’t be late.”

Bobby nods. He rushes back to his office to take his phone which he left to charge. “Hmmm…70%. That should be enough for tonight.” He unplugs the charger and now set to meet the others at restaurant for company’s dinner.

**Ding!**

The door opens and the security guard exits the elevator. Bobby still pays attention to his game instead.

“Going down?”

“Uh-huh…” Bobby just nods. He then realizes the voice…he recognizes it….”Junhoe…” He quickly presses the button to hold the door. “Are you coming in or not?”

Junhoe is speechless to see the man who he used to love is standing inside the elevator, waiting for his answer. Should he choose to be childish or should he just enter the elevator? He glances around and nobody is left there. This building could be scary at night also. Guess he has no choice.

“Hmmm yes. I’m…” Junhoe bites his lower lip as he drags his feet into the elevator. He nods at Bobby while he presses the button to where he parked his car.

He could not believe Donghyuk’s words earlier were like his future. Here he is, in the elevator with Bobby after about a month avoiding him on purpose. He glances at Bobby who seems to be standing still at the other corner.

While Junhoe hopes someone else to enter this silent elevator, something unexpected happens. The elevator starts to make some loud, weird noises which make his heart pound fast. Bobby is panicking too. He could hear Bobby curses under his breath.

Then the lights flicker on and off. The elevator stops moving.

“What the hell…” Bobby presses the button. “Hello. Hello. Soon-ha?”

“Soon-ha here. I’m sorry but there has been a problem in all elevators at this building. Who is this?”

“Bobby. Yah. What do you mean by all?”

“Ahh Bobby hyung. Really. All elevators. The wiring and the cable are seemed to be the problem here. We are calling the facilities guy already.”

Bobby sighs. Great. His office mates are going to assume he bails out for no reason. He really promised to make it this time but guess he could not do anything now. Hopefully they would still invite him for dinner next time.

“Alright, Soon-ha. How long?”

“30 minutes top.” Soon-ha pauses. “Are you alone, hyung?”

“No…”

“At least you got company.”

Bobby could hear Soon-ha laughter. “Yea…at least…for now.”

_“For now.”_

Junhoe gulps. He clenches his briefcase to his chest tightly. _“for now”_ keeps buzzing in his head, as if Bobby screamed those words to his ears. _“for now”_. Never knew those two words could be really depressing.

Complete silence between the two of them. Only the sound of mini fan which Bobby happens to carry most of the time accompanies them. Junhoe says nothing. But suddenly he could feel gentle air brushing against his cheek.

“Let’s share. It is warm in here. Take off your coat, untie your tie and unbutton the top buttons.”

“Uh right.” Junhoe does as what Bobby told him to. He carefully puts his folded coat on the floor with his briefcase. “Thanks…”

Bobby nods. “Hopefully maintenance guy comes quick before the battery finishes.” He looks at Junhoe. “Hmmm…how are you?”

“Fine. You?”

“Fine too…I think.” Bobby smiles a bit.

The two of them decided to sit on the floor while waiting. Only 10 minutes have passed but it feels like an hour.

“This is not how I picture my death. Lack of oxygen in broken elevator.” Junhoe wipes his sweat. The mini fan indeed lives up to its name.

Bobby chuckles softly. “Yup. Not what I pictured too.”

And then there is that silence again.

Junhoe realizes this is the first time he and Bobby sit together like this and talking since the break up. Something he is not sure if he misses it or not. He looks at Bobby. Nothing much changed except his hair; long hair and neatly tied into ponytail. Bobby still looks handsome as ever.

“There’s no stable line here. I can’t play my games.” Bobby mumbles.

Yup, nothing’s changed.

“Obviously…” Junhoe responds softly.

Bobby then puts his phone aside and slowly moves a bit so he could face Junhoe. “Can I ask you something?”

“You already asked.” Junhoe teases which earns a laughter from Bobby. He looks at Bobby and nods. “Shoot.”

“Are you happy now?”

Junhoe immediately stops smiling. Is he happy now?

_“I wanna be happier. I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like I am trapped in this relationship. It feels…stagnant. I don’t feel the spark anymore…the joy seeing you…I feel empty. That’s why we should break up, hyung. I wanna be happier and I want you to be happier too…”_

“Did you find that happiness you were looking for?” Bobby tries to look into Junhoe’s eyes but no surprise that Junhoe is avoiding any eye contact now. “I’m sorry to ask you in this broken elevator but I figured…that is the only option. You are always…running away from me.”

Junhoe is surprised. Is it that noticeable?

“I notice it clearly. I know you see me but you just…run away…like always.” Bobby resists himself from holding Junhoe’s hands. “That’s okay. You don’t have to answer now. You can answer later. At least I could that as reason to see you.”

Junhoe’s heart aches. He feels awful. He was the one who dumped Bobby, he avoids Bobby at all costs and he realizes he is probably the reason if Bobby is miserable now. He clears his throat, arranging his words properly in his head so he would not say anything stupid.

“I am happy.”

Bobby smiles softly at Junhoe. “Good for you. You deserve that. I’m glad you found the happiness.”

“But I still feel empty.”

Bobby raises his eyebrow. “Empty?”

Junhoe nods slowly. “I am happy. There are things that make me happy. But I’m not happier than I thought I could be and I feel empty. There is this…odd feeling.” He looks at Bobby. “I wonder why.”

Junhoe knows why. He talked about this with Donghyuk. He somehow agreed with what Donghyuk said.

_“Maybe you need a closure with Bobby hyung. The way you ended the relationship with him was ugly, Junhoe. That’s why you still feel uneasy, feel empty. You put a full stop just like that. Bobby hyung was absent a week from work because he was too sad.”_

_“But he seems…”_

_“Fine? Of course Bobby hyung seems fine. He wears masks to work. Put on a happy, professional face at work then the moment he reaches home, he becomes sad again.”_

_“Then what should I do?”_

_“Talk to him. Talk to Bobby hyung.” Donghyuk pauses. “Bobby hyung may seem like he is alright but he is still trying to get over you. You were cruel, Junhoe.”_

_“Yah…Donghyuk ah. Don’t say it like that. I feel bad.”_

_“You should.”_

And Junhoe does feel bad. He still looks at Bobby’s face. Let’s see again; nothing’s changed or really? Maybe he didn’t notice? He tries to read Bobby’s face under the dim emergency light in this elevator. Is there sadness in Bobby’s eyes? He is not sure.

What about Bobby’s smiles earlier? Bobby still gives the best smile to Junhoe. The smiles were sincere. There is no ill feeling towards him. Bobby acts like how he has always been to him; the sweetest and the nicest boyfriend with how Bobby cares for him in this elevator and knows well the mini fan is not enough for two adults, Bobby shares with him.

But the way Bobby looks at him? It is as if Bobby is searching for answers. This may not be the time but now that they are talking, guess Junhoe indeed owes Bobby some explanation.

“You know, Junhoe…” Bobby takes a deep breath, breaking the long silence between them. “I don’t understand even until today. It’s only been exactly one month since you broke up with me but I really don’t understand why. Was it me? Did I love you too much that it drove you away? Or was I lacking somewhere? Have I ever hurt you in a way that I didn’t realize?”

“Hyung…” Junhoe bite his lower lip. As if Bobby reads his mind that Bobby blurted out these questions. “No, hyung. It was not you. It was me and whatever you said also were all not true.”

“Then what was the reason? You suddenly…just broke up with me. We were so happy the day before so when you…you know…I felt terrible. Was I living in fantasy world?” Bobby sighs. He stares at the floor instead.

“No, hyung. I’m sorry I made you think that you live in fantasy world. You have loved me so much, care for me…I appreciate that.” Junhoe moves closer. “I fell out of love because…I know I don’t deserve you at all.”

“That’s bullshit reason. We have talked about this before.” Bobby looks into his eyes. “Did you date me out of pity?”

“Wh-what? Hyung. No…” Junhoe shakes his head. “I came to love you.”

“Sounds like you pitied me. You saw how I kept chasing you.” Bobby chuckles dryly. “So that’s it? Because you felt like you don’t deserve me?”

“Yes. Because you loved me so much and I don’t know if I could love you the same way.”

“Then don’t love me the way I loved you. I just want you to love me…sincerely…” Bobby’s voice starts to break. He hates it when he gets emotional with Junhoe or when he talks about this relationship. “Then I was partly right. I loved you too much and I drove you away.”

Junhoe’s mind is racing with so many things he wants to say but only 2% of them comes out from his mouth. Bobby’s words attack him too but honestly, he deserves that.

“Hyung…I…I am truly sorry. That’s all I could say for now.”

The two of them sit at different corners in this elevator as if it makes so much difference. Still, there is space between them; space with Bobby really needs. Junhoe could only pretend to look at his out of battery phone. The atmosphere is suffocating him. Not because he is trapped in broken elevator, but because he traps himself with unanswered questions thrown by Bobby.

“I didn’t think I am good enough for you, hyung.” Junhoe speaks first. “It makes me feel lacking. Me. I tried to love you more but I guess I tried too hard. You have given me so much love which I made me question why. Why do you love me like this? I felt insecure so that was why I started to ignore you, giving you cold shoulder, replied your text with one word and sometimes not replying at all…”

“So in the end….it is still on me huh? I made you felt that way by showering you with too much love. Is that what you meant?” Bobby shuts his eyes, wishes the lack of oxygen kills him now. “Did you get tired of me? Bored?”

Junhoe keeps quiet.

“I’m taking it as affirmative.” Bobby wipes his fallen tears. “I am not blind. I noticed…you changed. I thought the day before I could win you back but then I was bombed the next day.”

Junhoe still stays silent. He has nothing to rebut because Bobby is partially true. He did get tired of Bobby. He did. Bobby was too obsessed with him. Maybe for other people, they would be happy that their partner only has eyes on them but for Junhoe?

That is why Junhoe felt that he doesn’t deserve Bobby’s love. At all. Bobby loved him too much and that turned him off. He laughed at first when his friends said Bobby was obsessed with him, never stopped chasing him for years and was loyal.

What is wrong with you, Junhoe?

“If you were not ready to date me then why did you date me? I can’t help it, Junhoe…I can’t help it but to think you really dated me out of pity.” Bobby laughs but wretched. “I feel like a clown.”

Before Junhoe could say something, the lights inside the elevator are back and the elevator starts to go down at usual speed then reaches P1 where Bobby parked his car. Bobby picks up with coat and his tote bag, getting ready to exit the elevator.

Bobby gets the answers which he didn’t expect and Junhoe doesn’t explain in words that would hurt Bobby less.

“One last question.” Bobby stands at the door. “Were you happy when you were with me?”

Junhoe nods. “Yes…I was happy…”

“Good to hear something nice at least…” Bobby forces a smile. “Good night, Junhoe. Drive carefully.”

“Do you hate me?”

But the door closes even before Bobby could answer; if Bobby wants to answer. Junhoe curses. He knows he doesn’t get that closure with Bobby like what he planned. It sucks. Junhoe realizes his reasons are indeed bullshit too because it is as if Bobby is at fault.

Bobby’s fault that Junhoe chose to break up?

Bobby’s unconditional love?

“I was trapped in elevator. I swear. You all could ask Soon-ha tomorrow.” Bobby talks a bit then drives towards the restaurant where he is supposed to meet the others. His mind is still full with questions. He should get rid of them. No point holding them in his head and causing unnecessary stress.

Time to move on…for real.

Those words may not be what Bobby wanted to hear but at least he knew why Junhoe chose to end their relationship. He doesn’t want Junhoe to force himself to stay in a dead relationship if that is what Junhoe felt that time. If Junhoe doesn’t love him anymore, it is best to end. Whatever reasons Junhoe may tell him after this once Junhoe gets to word them properly, Bobby doesn’t want to know anymore.

Bobby said it himself too. He wants Junhoe to love him sincerely. If being in that relationship makes Junhoe unsettled and heavy-hearted, it is better to walk away from it. Junhoe should be happier and so does he.

The next day, Junhoe waits at the parking lot where Bobby usually parks. He sees a familiar car approaches. His heart is beating fast but he needs to get this off of his chest. He was uneasy throughout the night that he could not sleep.

“Hyung…good morning.”

Bobby smiles at him. “Good morning, Junhoe. Is there anything I could do?”

The soft melody of Younha’s Hello accompanies them at the cafe. Before them are their favourite drinks and two sandwiches which Junhoe bought.

“Do you have more to say? I’m not used to this. Usually you would avoid me at the speed of light.” Bobby tries to joke but it feels awkward between them. He takes the first bite as he waits for Junhoe to speak.

“I would like to apologize. For everything. Listen first.” Junhoe abruptly stops Bobby before the latter could say anything. “I want to talk…I feel like I didn’t defend myself well last night.” He clears his throat.

“Okay. Go ahead and talk.” Bobby leans against the chair and looks at the nervous Junhoe sitting across him. “Junhoe…” He softens his voice.

“You are right…when I think about it again and again…yea. I dated you out of pity. I couldn’t stand watching you trying so hard to get me so I thought, why not give a chance.” Junhoe sees Bobby’s expression darkens. He knows this hurts Bobby. “But as time passed by, I did come to love you. I learned to love you and accepted you for who you are. I mean it when I said I was happy when I was with you.” He inhales slowly as he continues. “But then…the feeling did not last. I tried…I tried to love hard like the way I fell in love with you but it just didn’t…go there.”

“I understand.” Bobby reaches to hold Junhoe’s hands. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? If it makes you feel trapped and unhappy…we could have ended it sooner. I don’t want to be selfish, Junhoe ah.” He smiles a bit. “I am happy but you are not? I don’t want that kind of relationship.”

“That’s why I feel bad, hyung. I didn’t talk to you earlier and pour everything out. I’m such a coward. I’m so sorry, hyung.” Junhoe holds Bobby’s hands, feeling the warmth which he has not felt for some time.

“I forgive you, Junhoe and I do hope you could find that happiness you have been looking for. I’m sorry too. I thought I could make you happy forever but our forever was cut short.” Bobby slowly let Junhoe’s hands go.

“I hope you are happy too, hyung…” Junhoe feels slightly down. He wishes to hold Bobby’s hands again but Bobby already keeps his hands to himself already.

“To answer your question last night…I don’t hate you, Junhoe. I could never hate you.” Bobby then finishes his sandwich. Time to leave. He gets up with his cup of coffee in his hand. “Maybe we are not meant to be. Maybe in the next life?” He jokes.

Junhoe chuckles softly. “Maybe…” He gets up.

“We can still be friends. I can still be that reliable hyung for you.” Bobby strokes Junhoe’s cheek softly. “See you.”

Junhoe just stands there as he watches Bobby walking away from him. He feels calm a little bit. He really doesn’t want to lose a friend either. He is glad he could finally end things with Bobby properly.

“Maybe in the next life…”

**Author's Note:**

> wow it's been so long since i wrote a junbob fic. hope you all would like this one but it's okay if don't like too. hahaha i don't mind. hahaha ok bye.


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